So Your Detailed/Flat Pivot is Slow and Doesn't Sort Properly? Try Text Measures!

Yes, you know that pivots are meant to show aggregations. Summaries. Pivots were NOT invented to display thousands of rows of detail data. But still, sometimes you need to do precisely that. The biz needs its list of customers and how much they've been buying, for instance, and all that data is in YOUR Power Pivot model. And hey, pivots are really the only game in town* for table-shaped display of data. So, you build one of the monstrosities like the above.